Anger Management

Tips and Techniques for Getting Anger Under Control

بسم الله والحمد لله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله ، وبعد

All praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allaah and his family and companions.

To proceed:

The discussion for today is regarding one of the many characteristics which have an apparent (and direct) effect on how we deal with others and for which one needs to control (before it causes) harm. Our discussion is about anger, which is one of the characteristics of a human being, and it is divided into two categories:

1. Anger which is Praiseworthy

2. Anger which is Blameworthy

As for the anger which is Praiseworthy, then it is to get angry for Allaah’s sake and His religion, and this is from the (praiseworthy) characteristics of the Prophets and Messengers, and on the head of them is the leader of the Messengers, Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم, who would never get angry except for Allaah’s sake, when the Muharramaat (sacred limits) of Allaah were violated.

Umm al-Mu’mineen, `Aaishah رضي الله عنها said: ❝The Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم never hit anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, except when fighting in Jihaad in the cause of Allaah. (And if he was offended in some way) he never took revenge for his own sake, unless one of the sacred limits of Allaah had been transgressed, then he would take revenge for the sake of Allaah عز وجل.❞ [Saheeh Muslim 79-(2328)]

As for the anger which is Blameworthy, then it is the anger which prevents a person from approaching the matter with justice, causing him to violate the rights of others, oppressing them, and taking revenge for his own personal reasons.

Many people wish to get rid of (or control) this blameworthy anger. And all praise is for Allaah, we have in our religion, means by which we can prevent and cure this state of extreme anger. Whoever follows it will be safe from this blameworthy anger, and will be safe from its evil effects (and consequences).

By the Will of Allaah, we will mention in our Khutbah a few means by which to prevent and cure this anger.

FIRST: It is to have knowledge that the anger is from the evil whispers of the accursed Shaitaan, who wants to push man towards the things, the consequences of which are not good. So when a Muslim is in a state of anger, he should seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaitaan. As Allaah تعالى says:

﴿وَإِمَّا يَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّـهِ ۖ إِنَّهُ هُوَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ﴾

{And if an evil whisper from Shaitaan tries to turn you away (from doing good, etc.), then seek refuge in Allaah. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.} [Surah Fussilat (41): 36 and see Surah al-A`raaf (7): 200]

Narrated Sulaiman bin Surd رضي الله عنه: While I was sitting in the company of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, two men abused each other and the face of one of them became red with rage, and his jugular veins swelled (i.e. he became furious). On that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he does say it. If he says:

أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ

‘I seek Refuge with Allaah from Satan.’ then all is anger will go away.❞ [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (3282, 6115) and Saheeh Muslim (2610)]

SECOND: Teaching and practicing oneself to have patience and endurance, as the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝He who refrains from begging others, Allaah will make him contented; and he who seeks self-sufficiency, Allaah will make him self-sufficient; and he who shows patience. Allaah will help him to be patient; and none is blessed with an endowment better and greater than patience.❞ [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (1469, 6470) and Saheeh Muslim (1053)]

THIRD: Maintaining silence and refraining from speech. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝Teach, make things easy and do not make things difficult. If one of you gets angry, let him keep quiet.❞ [Musnad Ahmad (2136, 2556, 3448) and al-Adab al-Mufrad (245, 1320) and graded as “Saheeh li ghairihee” by Shaikh al-Albaanee in al-Saheehah (1375)]

When a person gets angry, he may say words without paying much care to what he is uttering, which may lead him to destruction – either in regards to his religious matters or worldly matters. So the best cure is to keep quiet and maintain silence till the anger goes away and the person becomes calm.

FOURTH: Changing the position. So if the person is standing he should sit down, and if he is sitting, he should lie down.

Narrated Abu Dharr رضي الله عنه: The Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger goes away, (well and good); otherwise he should lie down.❞ [Musnad Ahmad (21348) and Sunan Abu Dawood (4782) and graded as “Saheeh” by Shaikh al-Albaanee]

When a person is in rage and he remains in the same place (or position), his anger will persist. So he should walk away (or move on) from that place (or position) to a place (or position) which would calm him down. This was done by `Alee رضي الله عنه when he got angry due to a quarrel between him and Faatimah رضي الله عنها, he went to the Masjid, and this incident is narrated in famous Hadeeth of ❝Get up! O Abu Turaab!❞

[The complete narration is as follows:

Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d رضي الله عنه: There was no name dearer to `Alee than his nickname Abu Turaab (the father of dust). He used to feel happy whenever he was called by this name. Once Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم came to the house of Faatimah رضي الله عنها but did not find `Alee in the house. So he asked ❝Where is your cousin?❞ She replied: “There was something (a quarrel) between me and him whereupon he got angry with me and went out without having a midday nap in my house.” Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم asked a person to look for him. That person came, and said: “O Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم! He (`Alee) is sleeping in the Masjid.” So Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم went there and found him lying. His upper body cover had fallen off to one side of his body, and so he was covered with dust. Allaah’s Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم started cleaning the dust from him, saying: ❝Get up, O Abu Turaab! Get up, Abu Turaab!❞

Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (441, 3703, 6204, 6280) and Saheeh Muslim (2409)]]

FIFTH: One should be gentle and forbearing, so that he too is loved by Allaah.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said to Ashajj `Abdul Qais رضي الله عنه: ❝You possess two qualities that Allaah loves, they are: clemency and deliberateness.❞ [Saheeh Muslim (17, 18)]

SIXTH: Remembering the reward that Allaah تعالى will give to the one who suppresses his anger while he is able to act upon it and take revenge.

Sahl Ibn Mu`aadh narrated that his father said that the Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝Whoever suppresses his rage while he is able to unleash it, Allaah عز وجل will call him on the Day of Resurrection over the heads of all creatures, and Allaah will let him choose whichever Hoor al-`Een he wants.❞ [Sunan Abu Dawood (4777), Sunan al-Tirmidhee (2021, 2493), Sunan Ibn Maajah (4186) and graded as “Hasan” by Shaikh al-Albaanee]

Abu Dardaa’ رضي الله عنه reported that he said to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم: “Guide me to an action which will cause me to enter the Jannah.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝Don’t get angry and you will (enter) the Jannah.❞ [al-Tabaraanee in al-Awsat (2353) and graded as “Saheeh” by Shaikh al-Albaanee in Saheeh al-Jaami` (7374) and Saheeh al-Targheeb (2749)]

SEVENTH: Having the knowledge and certainty that whoever suppresses the anger is following the will and testament of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. The one who represses the anger and does not act upon it, he has followed the guidance of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم.

Narrated Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنه: A man said to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم: “Advise me!” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝Do not become angry.❞ The man asked (the same) again and again, and each time the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝Do not become angry and furious.❞ [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (6116)]

EIGHTH: Having knowledge that fighting off anger is repelling aggression and closing the door for Fitnah.

Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله said: ❝There are three doors which lead the people to Hellfire:

1. A suspicion, which causes one to doubt the religion of Allaah.

2. A desire, which causes one to prefer the worldly pleasures more than obeying and pleasing Allaah.

3. Anger, which causes aggression against Allaah’s creatures.❞

[al-Fawaaid (58)]

NINTH: Knowing that fighting off anger is the proof of one’s bravery and strength, and that he is still in control of his self even in anger. This is why the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝The strong man is not the one who is good at wrestling, but the strong man is one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage.❞ [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (6114) and Saheeh Muslim (2609)]

Keeping oneself under check is the scale for measuring the bravery of a person, the strength of his clemency, and the resoluteness of his heart.

`Alee رضي الله عنه is reported to have said: ❝A person’s clemency is (really) known at the time when he is angry.❞

[al-Aadaab al-Shar`iyyah (1/183). A similar statement has been reported from Ibn Mas`ood رضي الله عنه: ❝Look at the clemency of a person when he is angry.❞ [al-Ihyaa (3/166)]]

Meaning: You will not know the true reality a person except when he is angry, only then will the reality of his kindness be revealed, as well as his true character become apparent.

TENTH: One should know that repelling anger conforms to the commandments of Allaah when one fights off the bad (actions or deeds) with the good ones. Through this one aims at reaching the highest and best form of manners. Allaah تعالى says:

﴿وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ﴾

{And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. } [Surah Fussilat (41): 34]

ELEVENTH: Having knowledge and certainty that if one does not repel anger, then the actions done out of rage – in most cases – is the cause of regret after the anger has gone.

It is reported that `Alee رضي الله عنه is supposed to have said: ❝The beginning (state) of anger is madness, and the end of it is regret.❞ [al-Aadaab al-Shar`iyyah (1/183)]

TWELFTH: One should know that anger – in most cases – leads towards enmity and jealousy, animosity and hatred, transgression and seeking revenge. It leads one towards breaking of ties. It is a key to Fitan (tribulations) and sins. It leads to disagreement and division. It is the key to every enmity and evil.

Ja`far Ibn Muhammad said: ❝Anger is the key to every evil.❞ [Jaami` al-`Uloom (1/403)]

Clemency encompasses all the goodness, and anger encompasses all the evil. The consequences of anger are severe, and its end is disastrous. How many families have been destroyed, houses have been torn apart, relations have been severed, jails have been filled, and blood has been spilled because of it? Because of anger Fitan are ignited, and ordeals appear. Anger clogs the mind and blocks the vision.

THIRTEENTH: Making much supplication that Allaah gives you clemency and kindness, and to speak the truth in times of anger and pleasure.

From the supplications of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was:

وَأَسْأَلُكَ كَلِمَةَ الْحَقِّ فِي الرِّضَا وَالْغَضَبِ

❝I ask You to make me true in speech in times of pleasure and of anger.❞ [Sunan al-Nasaa’ee (1305, 1306) and graded as “Saheeh” by Shaikh al-Albaanee]

FOURTEENTH: Reading the books of Seerah (biographies) of those who were tested but remained patient; were angered but repressed their anger; were harmed but remained calm. And the best Seerah is that of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and his brothers – the other Prophets عليهم السلام; then the Seerah of the Companions رضي الله عنهم أجمعين, and those who came after them from the people of the lofty manners.

Anas رضي الله عنه reported: ❝I was walking with the Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم who was wearing a Najraani cloak with a very thick border when a Bedouin happened to meet him and took hold of the side of his cloak and pulled it violently. I noticed that the violence of his pull had bruised the neck of Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم. The Bedouin said: “O Muhammad! Give me out of Allaah’s wealth that you possess.” Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم turned to him and smiled and ordered that he should be given something.❞ [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree (3149, 5809, 6088) and Saheeh Muslim (1057)]

🚫 Some Weak narrations:

[The weak narrations are just for the information of the readers]

FIFTEENTH: Anger comes from Shaitaan, and Shaitaan was created from fire, so reduce the heat with water.

Abu Waa’il al-Qaass said: We entered upon `Urwah ibn Muhammad Ibn as-Sa`dee. A man spoke to him and made him angry. So he (`Urwah) stood and performed ablution; he then returned after performing ablution and said: My father told me on the authority of my grandfather `Atiyyah رضي الله عنه who reported the Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم as saying: ❝Anger comes from the Shaitaan; and the Shaitaan was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.❞ [Sunan Abu Dawood (4784) and graded as “Dha`eef” by Shaikh al-Albaanee]

SIXTEENTH: The one who suppress his anger will have perfect Imaan:

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: ❝Whoever suppresses his rage while he is able to unleash it, Allaah will fill his heart with security and Faith.❞ [Sunan Abu Dawood (4778) and graded as “Dha`eef” by Shaikh al-Albaanee. See al-Dha`eefah (1912)]

SEVENTEENTH: A person should remember that suppressing the anger is from the greatest characteristics of a Muttaqoon (pious). Allaah تعالى says:

﴿وَسَارِعُوا إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا السَّمَاوَاتُ وَالْأَرْضُ أُعِدَّتْ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ * الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ﴾

{And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for Al-Muttaqoon. Those who spend (in Allaah's Cause - deeds of charity, alms, etc.) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon the people; verily, Allaah loves Al-Muhsinoon (the good-doers).} [Surah aal-`Imraan (3): 133-134]

`Abdul-Razzaaq reported: The slave girl of `Alee Ibn Husain was pouring water for him (to make Wudhu) to get ready for the prayer. The jar slipped from her hand and hit `Alee Ibn Husain in the face and scarred it. He raised his head towards her. She said: Allaah تعالى says: ❝and (those) who suppress (their) anger❞, so he said to her: ❝I have suppressed my anger.❞ She said: ❝and who pardon the people❞, so he said to her: ❝May Allaah forgives you.❞ She said: ❝Allaah loves Al-Muhsinoon❞, so he said to her: ❝You are free to go, I have manumitted you.❞

[al-Baihaqee in Shu`ab al-Imaan (7964) and it is “Dha`eef” as one of the narrators in the chain is “Majhool” (unknown) and there is “Inqitaa’” (discontinuity) between `Abdul-Razzaaq and `Alee Ibn Husain.]

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May Allaah guide us towards good deeds and good manners.